life

Nerd Girl

Bookworm, Weirdo, Loser, Quiet, just a few of the words some people use. Growing up, I was always considered “different” My parents enrolled me in a small, private school filled with rich kids. I was the kid with frizzy hair and a bad fashion sense. I liked going outside and searching for bugs more than anything. I was an only child and not used to a lot of social interaction. I can vividly remember even as early as the fourth grade, being “cool” or “popular” was a big deal. A new girl came to our school, and quickly found her place. She was outspoken, girly, so she was easily accepted. I went on through school, quickly seeing how the other kids viewed me. It used to bother me that I didn’t shop at the places they did. They wore Sperry’s and Hollister shirts. I was wearing weird patterned shirts and regular shoes. I didn’t know how to ask my mom how to start taking me to the mall to shop for my clothes at that time, so I just kept on wearing it.

I also continued to like my “weird” hobbies. I got more into reading, and soon enough I had over 200 books at home. I liked cartoons still. I was into anime. My favorite color was black, so I came to school in long skirts and striped tights. I got called a witch for that numerous times. My few friends there thought I was too weird. I was the apparent cause of no one liking us. Which at the time hurt like hell. But is being yourself really that bad? I couldn’t see faking to be like them, that just wasn’t me. I wanted to, but I didn’t know how. It really screwed up my self-confidence for a while. While, other girls were out giggling and dating boys, I was too shy to even say hi to one. I felt alone. Besides, school, outside I didn’t do much. Once I got to middle school, I mostly stayed in my room on my computer. I drowned myself in music, and tried forgetting about everything else.

One thing though, I would have done differently growing up, was how I viewed myself. Now, at 19 I realize how it’s okay to be me. All those years, I let everyone else define who I was. I let them make me feel ashamed for being myself. But now, you know what? I embrace who I am. To anyone in school, who is labeled “nerdy” or “weird”, let me tell you, it’s okay. No, you’re not “weird” Whatever things you’re into, that’s not typical, in the real world no one cares! I was amazed to find, when I talk to people now and tell them how I like to read, I don’t get weird looks or snickers. They simply ask what kind of books I like. No one is coming up to me, whispering my clothes aren’t in style and I need to change. They do not care. But, when you’re growing up and in school, it’s all people care about. And why? Because, it’s scary for everyone. Their all trying to find their place, and sometimes unfortunately certain people get targeted. But don’t ever let that get you down. Be whoever you are and be proud of that. I promise you’ll find people who accept you and don’t make you feel insecure. Don’t settle for crappy friends, make sure to find great ones. The kind you could have your whole life. And don’t let words define you. As you grow up, you’ll start feeling more secure in yourself. You’ll realize that your dreams and views are important. You can look back on that scared little kid, and you wish you could hug her and tell her it’ll all be okay. To just wait 10 years and see how far you’ve come. You would tell her you got a great part time job, you’re in college, you’re not as quiet as you used to be, and your actually happy now. You don’t feel so lost anymore. All that bullshit in the past doesn’t matter, it never did. You’re at a new place now, where possibilities are endless.

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17 thoughts on “Nerd Girl

  1. Great post! I got so much teasing and rejection in elementary school that I learned how to hide me and fit in. By the time I graduated high school, I painted a picture I called schizophrenia with one side of the face blond/blue eyed and the other dark eyes and hair, as that is how I felt. It took me years to integrate and heal and step out to be the real me!

    I’m hoping that as our planet heals, everyone can grow up feeling loved, nurtured and accepted as they are, with individuality celebrated, and self confidence instilled in all.

    Glad you are able to feel confident and comfortable now!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. It’s nice now to see more people with that very attitude especially through social media. One of the main reasons I fell in love with blogging, a way to really connect with others. Glad for you as well to be happy in your own skin 😀

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Beautiful post! I find this personally very inspirational. I’ve always felt a bit outcast out the”normal” crowd of girls and I eventually tried changing myself to fit in with them. Going to college in a few years, I’ll do my best to stick true to myself, and not let others change me. Thank you for writing this!

    Like

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